her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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