I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
