first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
