I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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