i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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