I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
me + whiskey = a bad person
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Drunk is not a location!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
