Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
