I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
