i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
