I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize