Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
