i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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