I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
