I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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