Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
