come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
