Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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