I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize