just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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