Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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