whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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