I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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