you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
