Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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