If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
