i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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