I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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