My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
