Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
