She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
