it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
