Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
