I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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