ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
