I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
