Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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