id be glad to
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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