i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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