my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
