You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
