I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
