I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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