sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
