Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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