I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
