apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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