We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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