I wanna bring you to show and tell
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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