I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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