I hate all girls vehemently.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize