Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
