i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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