She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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