Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
