I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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