I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
