Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
