Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
