That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
