just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
