and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize