why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
