drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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