mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
